Guilty of Being Innocent
by Rogue11
Summary: Sirius shows up on Remus' doorsteps injured and exhaused. Remus takes him in and realizes that one's body heals much easier than one's mind. Will there be enough time for the two former friends to heal and rekindle their relationship before the war begins
1. Settings

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Disclaimer:

This story was written by a fan only for the enjoyment of other fans, without any monetary compensation. Harry Potter and its characters belong to J.K.R  


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Title:

Guilty of Being Innocent

  


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Author:

Rogue 11

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Rating:

R for later chapters

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Warnings:

Slash (same sex relationship), spoilers for the books

**Pairings:  
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RL/SB

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Notation:

_Italics_ – indicates thoughts****

Bold – indicates emphasis

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About the Story:

Set after GoF, AU once the nextr book comes out

Sirius shows up on Remus' doorsteps injured and exhaused. Remus takes him in and realizes that one's body heals much easier than one's mind. Will there be enough time for the teo former friends to heal and rekindle their relationship before the war begins?


	2. Prologue

This is my first Harry Potter fanfic. Remus and Sirius are my favorite characters and I think it was only a matter of time that I would write a story about them. If my other fics are any indication this will be long.  
  
I hope you enjoy.

**A special Thank you to DruidGoddess for beta-reading the story**

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Guilty of Being Innocent – Prologue  


Remus wasn't quite sure what awoke him. It certainly wasn't a nightmare. He usually didn't get those until closer to a full moon. For a moment he considered getting up and making himself some tea, but the thought of leaving his warm, cozy bed was not very tempting. Suddenly there was a noise, like something scratching at a piece of wood. It was very faint but thanks to his keen sense of hearing he was able to make it our even through the sound of the pouring rain.  
Remus reached out and summoned his wand.

"Lumos!" he called out as soon as he felt the familiar object in his hand. Instantly his bedroom was illuminated by the spell. 

The wizard listened, and when he heard the scratching noise again, jumped out of bed and reached for his robe.

The noise came from downstairs, not from inside the house but from the backdoor, Remus realized. As he walked down the wooden staircase he listened again, but the only thing he could hear now was the sounds of the rain and the wind. 

He unlocked the backdoor, opening it carefully, his wand ready to be used at the first sign of danger. Remus gasped, eyes widening in shock, at the sight of a large, black dog lying just outside the door.

"Padfoot?!" he exclaimed.

The dog didn't move. The wizard bent down, reaching out to shake the animal and jerked his hand back quickly when he touched something wet, warm and sticky. That's when he smelled it too. Blood! He was surprised he didn't detect it earlier. But then again, the stench of dirty, wet fur was so strong that it covered up every other scent.

"PadfootSirius?" again the animal didn't even stir.

__

He has lost consciousness, Remus realized. Without thinking he stuffed his wand into the pocket of his robe and picked up the shaggy dog (it was frighteningly light for its size), wincing at the large bloodstain on the doorsteps.

__

Great god, if I would not have woken up he might have bled to death right at my door. – He still might if I don't do something quickly.

The wizard carried Padfoot into the house, and after a moment of consideration laid him down on the faded, worn out carpet by the fireplace. With a flick of his wand he lit the fire before he hurried into the kitchen to fill a large bowl with water. He grabbed a couple of towels, some gauze, bandages and a few vials in the bathroom then went back to tend to his injured friend.

__

Friend? No, I don't think I have the right to call him that anymore, after everything that has happenedeverything I let happen, Remus thought bitterly.

He kneeled down next to the large dog, soaked one of the towels in water and started to wash the blood out of the black fur to get a better look at the injury. Padfoot whimpered quietly. Remus found a large gash right below the animal's rips and performed a healing spell. He was not very good in these kinds of spells, but it was the best he could do. After all Sirius was still a wanted man and calling a healer or even Madam Pomfrey was out of the question. When he was finished the wound had stopped bleeding and started to heal. Remus gave a sigh of relief. He opened one of the vials he had brought along,put a generous amount of potion on to a strip of gauze, and dabbed it onto the gash before he dressed it with clean bandages.

The dog gave a low growl. 

"Easy Padfoot," The wizard whispered, relieved that his friend was waking up. "It's me, Remus. I'm only trying to help."

The growl faded. Eyelids fluttered then Padfoot opened his eyes and tried to focus on him. Remus rose and stepped back. Moments later the large dog changed into its human form.   
"Remus" Sirius started weakly. He tried to push himself up, but he had used up what little strength he had left during the transformation. Before he could say another word his eyes rolled back and he fainted again. 

Remus, looking down at the man, sighed heavily. Sirius looked a little better then he did when they met in the Shrieking Shack about a year go, but he was still only a shadow of his former self. He was frighteningly thin and bony, his skin pale and waxy, his hair matted and shaggy. His tattered robes were in desperate need of cleaning and (Remus wrinkled his nose) in human form Sirius did not smell much better than he had as a dog. 

__

I did this to him, Remus thought bitter, hanging his head in shame. _I'm as much responsible as those who sent him to Azkaban. He was my friend and I should have believed in him, in his innocence. I should have been there for him when he had nobody else, but I wasn't. If he dies now I'll never be able to ask for his forgiveness. _"Please" He lowered himself to his kneesagain and took hold of one of those bony, claw-like hands. "Please don't die, don't die on me now."


	3. Part 1

Thank you to all of you who reviewed my story. I really appreciate the feedback and so do my muses. 

**A special Thank you to DruidGoddess for beta-reading the story**

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Guilty of Being Innocent – Part 1  


Sirius Black woke up slowly, very slowly. The first thing he noticed was that he was warm and comfortable. He was lying on a soft surface, definitely not the rocky ground in some cave. 

__

I could get used to waking up like this, he thought.

Then something cold and wet was placed on his forehead and he almost panicked. Somehow he had assumed that he was alone. He always was alone when he woke up. His eyes flew open and he tried to jerk away, but was held in place by a pair of strong, yet gentle hands on his shoulders.

"Easy, easy Sirius. Relax, you are safe," a soft voice assured him; a voice he recognized even before his eyes had fully focused on the face above him.

"Moony," he whispered his voice rough and raspy. Suddenly he remembered where he was and why he had come here. Sirius tried to sit up but was stopped by Remus and a sharp, stabbing pain in his side.

__

Stupid, Muggles, stupid chickens, he thought angrily.

"Don't move, you still need to rest," Remus told him.

"It's okay," he answered. "I'm fine, really. I've got a good night of sleep"  
The other man looked at him with a strangely worried expression on his face. "You were unconscious for nearly five days, Sirius. At times I wasn't sure you would ever wake up." 

"Five days?" Black echoed.

Remus Lupin nodded as he removed the washcloth, soaked it in a bowl with cold water and placed it onto his forehead again. "You collapsed bleeding and exhausted on my doorsteps. Do you remember how you got injured?"

Sirius mumbled something about Muggles' chickens and Remus looked at him puzzled.  
"I was hungry," the black-haired wizard explained. "All I wanted to steal was one lousy chicken. The place was full with them. How was I supposed to know the crazy Muggle would fire a gun at me? I always thought Muggles like dogs."

"Apparently not when they break into their property. You were lucky; the bullet only grazed you. My healing spells are really very limited, you know."

Sirius swallowed with a slight grimace and let his tongue run over his dry, chapped lips. Remus kicked himself mentally.

__

He is thirsty. Of coursewhy didn't I think of that? He jumped up from the edge of the bed he had been sitting on and reached for a water-pitcher on the nightstand. He poured glassful of the cool liquid and held it to his patient's lips. 

Sirius glanced up at him as he sipped carefully.

"Thank you, Moony." 

Remus winced at the name.

"I'm sorryI didn't mean to" Black apologized quietly.

The other man shook his head as he set the empty glass down. "It's okay. It's just that nobody has called me that in a very long time."

There was a short moment of awkward silence, before Remus cleared his throat and spoke again.

"You have got to be starving. I'll go and get something to eat for you."

Suddenly Sirius remembered that he had been sent here for a reason.

"Wait, Remus. We need to talk."

"We can talk after you ate." Lupin decided firmly as he left.  


***  


Sirius removed the washcloth from his forehead and tossed it into the bowl in the nightstand. He really didn't feel all that bad anymore. Remus obviously didn't give himself enough credit for his healing spells. For a moment Sirius looked around in the room; Remus' bedroom he assumed. The wide, four-poster (and extremely comfortable in his opinion) bed was set against one wall. On the other side were a mismatched wardrobe and a small dresser. Two side-tables right and left of the bed completed the sparse furnishing. When he pushed himself up into a sitting position Sirius discovered that he was wearing nothing but a pair of soft pajama pants. Remus must have undressed him while he was unconscious. The wizard felt himself blush at that realization. Just then his host walked back into the room carrying a tray with a bowl of steaming stew on it. Sirius reached quickly for the covers and pulled them up all the way to his neck. Never before had he felt so self-conscious. He was very well aware of the condition he was in. He was too thin, too bony and in desperate need of grooming. He looked more like a walking skeleton than like a person.

The tray was set down on the bed and Sirius felt his mouth water at the delicious smell.

"Eat slowly," Remus urged. "You don't want to get sick."

Black nodded as he reached for the spoon. 

"So, what was it you wanted to tell me?" Lupin asked once his patient had finished his meal. 

Sirius put his spoon down and stared into the empty bowl for a moment, lost in thought. Then he sighed. No, there wasn't an easy way to say this.

"Voldemort has risen again." 

"What?" Remus paled. He had to reach for the bedpost to steady himself. Slowly, on shaking knees, he lowered himself onto the edge of the bed. "How?"

"Pettigrew!" Black spat. "Pettigrew helped him. I should have killed that slimy piece of scum in the Shrieking Shack when I had a chance. I really should have." His fist hit the tray hard, making the bowl jump into the air. The noise startled Sirius out of his fit of fury. 

Remus just looked at him silently as Black gave a detailed account of everything that had happened. He told him about Harry and a second Hogwarts student being abducted from the Triwizard Cup and about Wormtail using his own hand and Harry's blood to resurrect the Dark Lord. By the time he came to the part about Voldemort forcing Harry into a duel with him Lupin's face had grown even paler (if that was at all possible).

"Is Harry okay?" he asked hoarsely.

Sirius nodded. "He will be, but the other boy, Cedric Diggory, died."

Remus closed his eyes at the mentioning of the name and Sirius realized that he probably had known the boy very well. He had been his D.A.D.A. teacher after all for almost a year.

"He was a good kid. He didn't deserve this." Remus whispered.

"Professor Dumbledore sent me to alert the old crowd," Black continued." You were the last person on my list. – I left Buckbeak with Arabella Figgs. He was easier to hide there" Sirius took a deep breath and glanced once more at Remus. "Dumbledore asked me to lie low here with you for a while. But of course I realize that I'm putting you in danger. And I really wouldn't blame you if you wouldn't want to keep me in your house. I'm sure I could find a place to hide somewhere nearby where Dumbledore and you could reach me when needed."

Remus' head jerked up, a sparkle of fury in those amber colored eyes.

"Sirius Black, you son of a bitch," he snapped. "What kind of a person do you think I am? You are half starved and your injuries have barely healed. Do you really think I'm going to kick you out of my house like a dog (no punt intended)? Is that what you think of me?"

Sirius looked like he had been slapped in the face. He blinked, then swallowed.

"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry if I"

Lupin signed as he dipped his head and buried his face in his hands.

"No, it's **I** who should be sorry. I don't know what came over me just now."

There was a long moment of silence. Sirius eyed the other wizard intensively before he suddenly stated:

"Remus, you look like shit."

"Thank you! You always had a strange way of complimenting people, you know." The other man answered wryly, looking up at him with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"No, I mean it. Have you slept at all during those five days while I was sick?" 

"I really don't need very much sleep," Remus replied evasively.

"Answer my question." Black demanded.

"I slept a few hours every once in a while."

"You are a lousy liar," the black-haired wizard stated seriously. "You need to get some rest soon. Go get some sleep I'll be fine."

__

This is so much like him. He is too kind. Always thinking about others first.

To his surprise Remus didn't even argue. "I think you are right. I'll be no help to anybody if I'm worn out. Are you sure you will be okay?"   
Sirius nodded, and Lupin rose. 

"I'll be in the other bedroom just across the hall, wake me if you need me." 

For a moment Remus considered taking a shower. He probably could use one, but he was too exhausted to really care. He undressed, slipped into bed and was asleep before he his head hit the pillows.

**********

TBC


	4. Part 2

Thank you to all of you who reviewed my story. I really appreciate the feedback and so do my muses. 

**A special Thank you to DruidGoddess for beta-reading the story**

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Guilty of Being Innocent – Part 2  


After Remus had left, Sirius Black had decided that he could use a few more hours of shuteye as well. By the time he woke up it was mid-afternoon.

Sirius stretched and grimaced at the small ripple of pain radiating from his left side. His eyes fell onto a book on the nightstand and he picked it up. "**Reading Runes**" The wizard snorted.

Leave it to Remus to read something like that as a bedtime story. 

He set the book back down and looked around. There were two doors. One of them, as he knew, led to the hall. Behind the other one, he assumed, was the bathroom. Yes, taking a bath or shower sounded like a good idea right now. He didn't think Lupin would mind. 

As Sirius slipped out of bed he noticed that the pajama pants he was wearing were a little long; hanging in folds around his slim ankles. Remus was even shorter than he was, so there was no way that these pants could be his. Somehow this realization sent a little jolt of jealousy through his body. At the next moment he kicked himself mentally.

__

Get real, Black. What did you expect? It's been 14 years, 12 of which you spent in Azkaban. You could as well have been dead, you know. Did you think people would put their life on hold while you were gone? Besides, even if he still had any feelings left for you even if he could truly forgive you for getting James and Lily killed, have you looked into a mirror lately? Do you think anybody could feel anything else but pity for you?

Sirius let out a sigh as he staggered into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He slipped out of his pants and stepped into the bathtub. For a long moment he stood just there and let the warm water run over his body. _Ahhh, this feels so good_. He really had missed those little things that could so easily be taken for granted. Things like clean bed sheets, or a warm shower. Sirius found a bottle of shampoo on a small shelf. When he stepped out of the bathroom, clean and freshly shaven, he felt better than he had in a very long time. 

  
***

When Sirius came downstairs he found his host in the kitchen. Remus turned toward him, eyeing him. 

"Should you be on your feet already?"

"I feel a lot better," Sirius stated.

The other man nodded. "You look a lot better too." Indeed, Black looked much more energetic and alive then he had only this morning. 

"I took a shower. I still have to do something about that mop I call hair though." Sirius gave a faint smile. "I hope you don't mind me using your soap and your razor."

"Of course not." Remus replied. "I don't own much, but whatever I have is yours for the asking."

"Thank you. It means a lot. – Do you know what happened to my clothing?"

"Oh, yes, let me get it." Lupin disappeared for just a moment and came back with a shabby and faded robe.

"This was the only thing really worth cleaning." He sounded almost apologetic. "We will have to get you some new outfits soon. Until then I'm sure there are a few other things in my father's wardrobe that will fit you."

"Your father's," Sirius echoed as he looked down to the pajama pants he was wearing. Suddenly he felt a little silly for thinking that they might have belonged to an old lover of Remus, and at the same time he felt relieved.

"Yes," Remus nodded. "This house belonged to my parents. I never got around to cleaning out all their stuff yet. Now I'm glad I didn't." 

As Sirius slipped into his robe the other wizard walked over to the stove.

"I was just about to make tea. Would you like some?" he offered. 

"Thanks, that sounds great."

"How about something to eat? I only have leftover stew and some crackers right now, but there are some steaks I can cook if you want."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not that hungry right now. Besides you really don't have to trouble yourself because of me. Stew and crackers sounds just fine for supper."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked uncertainly as he lit the fire in the stove with a flick of his wand and put on a teakettle.

"Yes, really." In fact stew and crackers sounded like a meal fit for a king compared to what Sirius usually lived on. 

There was a moment of silence until the black-haired wizard asked quietly: "So, how have you been?"

Remus gave a small shrug. "I have been okay better since the Wolfsbane potion was discovered, I suppose. I just curl up and sleep during the full moon"

He busied himself with making the tea so that he didn't have to turn around and face his old friend, but his voice betrayed him anyway.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispered quietly, almost too softly to be heard.

"What for?" Remus asked. 

"EverythingI'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for letting down James and Lily, and I'm sorry for not being there for you all those years when you needed me."

"Oh Sirius" Remus turned, fighting a sudden tightness in his chest. "You shouldn't feel that way We I" There were so many things he wanted to say, but he just couldn't seem to put them into words right now. Instead he walked to his old friend and embraced him tenderly. He could feel Sirius tense almost instantly. That was not what he had expected. Remus disengaged himself and stepped back, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

__

Oh God, what was I thinking? 

"I'm I'm sorry," he stammered abashed. Before he could turn away Sirius reached out and took hold of his hand.

"Remus, please" The black-haired wizard knew that he had hurt his friend and he felt the need to explain his reaction. "It's just that it has been a long time that anybody has held me like this. I have not gotten used to being touched again. It's hard. It was one of the things I missed the most during the first few months in Azkaban. I would have given anything for some human contact, but after I while"

"I understand. We don't have to talk about this." Lupin told him softly.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry" Sirius nodded and turned away, and somehow Remus knew that he had said the wrong thing.

"Sirius," he started carefully, hoping that this was going to be right. "If you want to talk I'm more than happy to listen."

The other man looked at him in a mixture of surprise and gratitude. "Are you sure?"

Remus nodded.

"Thank you. Most people think it's too painful for me to talk about my time in Azkaban. - well, it is, but it is even worst not to talk about it."

Lupin nodded understandingly. Back at Hogwarts when James, Sirius and Peter had found out that he was a werewolf, he remembered how overwhelmingly relieved he had felt, once the initial shock had subsided. Finally to have somebody to share his secret' with, somebody to talk to about his worries and fears had made all the difference in the world to him.

"The tea is ready," he said softly. "Why don't we take it into the living room, where we can sit down and talk?"

***

Sirius was sitting on a faded, well-used couch across from Remus, staring into his teacup. There were so many things he wanted to say; he just didn't know where to start. When he looked up he found his friend's amber colored eyes trained on him, watching him expectantly yet patiently.

"Soon after I got to Azkaban I started loosing many of the memories I had about us." Sirius finally started, " **They** made sure of it. Oh god, I hated them. I knew every time they came I would loose a little bid more of you, and James and those good times we had"

Remus didn't have to ask who they' were. He knew Sirius was talking about the dementors, those vile and repulsive creatures that fed on peace, hope and happiness. 

"But I managed to hold on to a few happy little memories of us and then of course those not so happy ones. 

One of the things I remember about you is the look on your face when you looked at me at the trial, after the judge read the verdict. At that moment I knew how much you hated me, and I told myself that I had to find a way to escape if for no other reason than to prove to you that I didn't kill James and Lily. **They** loved that memory. They kept replaying it in my head over and over, almost as often as the moment when I discovered James' and Lily's body." Sirius smiled a little, but it was a sad and bitter smile. "Little did they know that it was one of the few things that truly kept me from going insane."

At that moment all Remus wanted was to take Sirius into his arms and never let go, but he knew better. Instead he just reached out and took the other man's hands into his own, holding them firmly yet gently.

"Sirius, please forgive me."

The black-haired wizard shook his head. "There is nothing to forgive, Moony," he whispered softly. "I have never thought you at fault. Everybody thought I was guilty. For God's sake, if I had been the judge in my own trial I would have probably found myself guilty without a second thought. Peter did a great job setting me up. I think he is a lot smarter than he led everybody to believe."

Though these words made Remus feel a little better, he knew it would take a long time before he would be able to look his friend in the eyes and not feel that burning sense of guilt. 

**********

TBC 


	5. Part 3

Thank you to all of you who reviewed my story. I really appreciate the feedback and so do my muses. 

kagemusha ,Phoenix Guardian, @FicA.org: thanks for reviewing

daniz : Thanks for the offer, but DruidGoddes is already betaing. And to answer your question, I'm German by birth.

**Author's Notice: **Do to ff.net's most recent problems I had trouble logging in to update. Please remember my stories can also be found at my website www.gundam-wing-universe.net The Harry Potter section there is really small since I only opened it a few days ago, but I hope it will be growing. Anyway you can always check there for new updates and even receive update notifications via e-mail.

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Guilty of Being Innocent – Part 3  


Early the next morning Remus apparated to Diagon Alley. The wizard had not dared leaving the house while Sirius had been sick and now he needed to stock up on many things including food and potion ingredients. 

First he had to make a withdrawal at Gringotts. At the bank was an account in his name in which he had never deposited as much as a single Knut into. People like Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall had put the money there for him. He knew they meant well and were only trying to help him, but Remus was too proud to accept handouts and had never before touched any of it. No matter how though times had been, somehow he had always managed to make ends meet. But this time it was different. Sirius needed new clothing and healthy food, preferable something more substantial than the soups and stews Remus usually lived on, to gain back some of the weight he had lost during his time at Azkaban. The bank was buzzing with magical folk and Remus was glad when he finally was back on the street. His next stop was at the Apothecary. When he had left Hogwards last summer Snape had given him (after some convincing from Dumbledore's side Remus assumed) the recipe for brewing Wolfsbane potion. Remus never bought all the ingredients at once to not arouse any suspicion. Next he purchased a couple of shirts and pants for Sirius and at Madam Malkin's two new robes. Finally he headed to the market. Less than 30 minutes later Remus materialized in the middle of his kitchen, carrying a good dozen packages.

"Sirius, I'm home," he called out as he reached for his wand. He didn't receive any answer.

A flick and a swish and the groceries put themselves into their cupboards.

"Sirius?!" Remus called again, a little louder this time, unable to suppress a slight feeling of concern.  
"Up here," Black's voice reached him from the second floor.

Letting out a silent sigh of relief Remus picked up the remaining packages. He found Sirius in the bathroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to cut my hair." The wizard sounded frustrated. "Doing it myself is not quite as easy as I thought."

"Maybe I can help you," Remus offered.

"Thanks, that would be great."

Remus moved a chair into the bathroom and ordered Sirius to sit down. He cropped the damp, black hair to about shoulder length, cutting off the heaviest of the knots and snarls. He then reached for a brush to straighten out the last remaining tangles. 

Sirius felt himself blush. Remus' strong and yet gentle fingers were touching him. It was only his hair, but for some reason that Sirius didn't quite understand, it was making him warm and filled him with an odd, fluttering sensation. He was almost glad when the brush hit on an especially stubborn knot. It hurt when Remus tried to pull the brush through the tangle, and that pain distracted Sirius from the sensations coiling up inside of him.   
"Ah, much better now," Remus noted in satisfaction as he finally finished his job. "Now let me show you what I bought you." He pulled Sirius into the bedroom and gestured at the packages he had thrown onto the bed.

"For me?" the black-haired wizard asked surprised. "All of them?"

Remus nodded, a slight smile on his lips. "Open them I want to know if you like what I got you."

Sirius unpacked a pair of black trousers and a green shirt. "It's lovely. You even remembered my favorite colors." He was touched. The next package he ripped open contained a robe. The material was soft but warm, perfect for the upcoming winter. When he unpacked a second robe a faint blush of embarrassment touched his pale cheeks. He looked at the garment, then at Remus in his own faded and worn clothing.

"I could have done with one, you know," he said quietly. "You should have bought yourself a new robe instead."

Remus gave a tiny smile.  
"It's okay, really. You needed them more than I do. Why don't you try them to make sure everything fits?" he suggested. "I'll be down in the kitchen starting dinner."  


***

When Sirius walked into the kitchen a short time later Remus couldn't help but notice how different his friend looked in his new clothes and with neatly trimmed hair.

"What do you think?" For the first time a genuine smile touched Sirius lips and there was a tiny sparkle in those dark eyes that reminded Remus of the old Sirius he had known.

__

What do I think? I think if I wasn't still in love with you I could fall for you all over again. Remus thought, but aloud he said.

"I think you look wonderful."

"Thank you. Not only for these clothes, but for everything you have done for me."

"It's nothing, really. I'm sure you would have done the same thing for me if I would have needed your help."

"Nevertheless, I appreciate it. - By the way I noticed earlier that there are some leaks in the roof. I thought maybe I could borrow your wand and make myself useful. It's the least I can do to show my gratitude."

"You don't have to do that," Remus answered, stirring around in the pot he had just put onto the stove.

"I know, but it would make me feel better."

Remus sighed as he handed his wand over to the other man. Magick was really all that kept these walls from falling apart. What this house needed was a top to bottom repair job, but that required money, money he didn't have. 

While his friend went back to preparing dinner, Sirius climbed up into the attic. The old wooden staircase squeaked in protest under his heavy footfall. The room was cluttered with all kinds of boxes and trunks. For a moment he was tempted to look around and see what Remus was keeping hidden up here, but then he told himself that it was really none of his business. Besides, he remembered that Remus had said he had not yet gotten rid of his parents' belongings. So that was probably what he was keeping in these boxes. In the dim light Sirius almost stumbled over something. A broomstick, he realized as he picked it up. What really surprised him was the fact that it seemed barely used. It was an old model that had it's prime more than a decade ago, yet it looked brand-new. Why would anybody keep a nearly new broomstick in the attic? The only explanation Sirius could come up with was that Remus must have left it up here by accident and didn't remember where he misplaced it. He put the broom near the door so he would remember taking it downstairs later when he left, then started looking for those broken shingles in the roof. 

Dinner was just about ready when Sirius walked back into the kitchen with the broomstick in his hand.   
"Look what I found. I bet you have been looking for this for ages."

Remus turned and felt an icy chill in the pit of his stomach.

"No actually I had put it up there on purpose," he answered quietly.

"Why is that?" Sirius asked puzzled.

__

Because every time I look at it I'm reminded of the day I got it and I can't stand thinking about it. _You don't remember, do you? No, of course not, because it would have been one of those happier memories._

It had been his birthday. Each of his friends had pitched in to buy him what back then had been the newest broomstick model. Remus still remembered how much fun they had taking turns riding it that evening. They were young and so carefree, and even though James had already been married and a father by then it hadn't stopped him from being as wild as the rest of them. Unfortunately it had been the last time that the four of them had been truly happy together. Soon after things had changed

Remus pushed those memories out of his mind. He wasn't sure what had kept him from getting rid of the broomstick for good, but he kept telling himself that it was because he hated to be wasteful rather than admitting that there was aother more sentimental reason.

"I just don't have much use for it, you know," he answered, and then before Sirius could asked any more questions he added. "Help me setting the table, will you."  


***

"Nooooo!" The scream ripped Remus from his sleep and sent an ice-cold shiver down his spine. The wizard jumped out of bed. When he burst into Sirius' room half a moment later he found his friend sitting up in bed, wide eyed and panting breathlessly.

"Nightmare?" Remus asked sympathetically as he lit a lamp with a flick of his wand. He pulled a large slab of chocolate out of the nightstand's drawer.

Sirius gave a small nod. "I dreamed I was back in Azkaban I was all alone and"

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here now." He lowered himself onto the edge of the bed as he broke off a piece of chocolate and handed it to the black-haired wizard. He sat there holding Sirius' hand until his friend's breathing became more controlled and his frantic heartbeat returned to normal. 

"Feeling better?" he asked.

Sirius nodded.

"Maybe we should try to go back to sleep." Remus suggested.

Another nod, but when he tried to get up Sirius refused to let go of his hand.

"I don't want to be alone." He sounded like a terrified child.

"You are not alone," Remus told him softly. "I'm right across the hall, remember."

"Will you stay here with me?" Sirius asked quietly, pleadingly.

"If that's what you want, of course I'll stay. Let me go get some blankets and pillows. I can sleep right next to your bed."

Sirius looked at the bed then at Remus.

"You don't have to sleep on the floor. There is enough room for us the share the bed."

"Are you sure about that?" Remus asked.

"It will be fine." It sounded like Sirius was trying to convince himself as much as the other man. 

A moment later, Remus pulled away the covers and eased in beside him, doing an excellent job of keeping to one side of the bed. 

"Good night, Sirius." 

"Good night, Remus." As the light went out Sirius lay sleepless in the dark. After a long time he reached out, carefully, tentatively until his fingertips brushed against his friend's shoulder; reassuring himself that he really wasn't alone. 

Eventually he must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes he found himself cuddled against the other man's chest and wrapped up in his warm arms. Afraid to move, he listened to Remus' light breathing and the beating of his heart.   
It was still night or early morning, judging by the chill in the air. No wonder the two of them had curled together. As a faint breeze blew in from the open window Sirius shivered, snuggling even closer.

"Another Nightmare?" asked a quiet voice. "Go back to sleep, I'm right here. You are safe now."

*****

TBC


End file.
